Wednesday, 8 April 2015

Bathtub of Horror



Like most people, I enjoy a good soak in the tub. It's not about getting clean, because, really, you are just sitting in a soup of your own skin cells and hair and fart bubbles. No, if you want clean, take a shower. Bath time is for relaxing and for getting your body back up to normal temperature after having too much frozen smoothie.


In all the apartments I've lived in I've had horrible little 4 foot long tubs where I had to choose between my shoulders or my knees being in the water, unable to stretch out. So, if my shoulders were warm, then my knees were cold and wet, waiting their turn in the soak.


 When I was able to buy my first condo, I was thrilled that it came with a soaker sized jacuzzi tub! Oh the relaxing times I would have with a book and a glass of wine. Just like they show women in the movies when they want "me" time.



Or "Look At Me" time.



Word to the wise, don't spend extra on the jacuzzi tub. That thing sounds like you're sitting next to a jet engine and really doesn't do much more than make you super annoyed and stressed. Ahhhh, I think I'll take a long soaky bath in this screaming water belcher. Not so much.




I have a friend who once had a huge, round jacuzzi tub that had, like, disco lights in it, and a sound system. I felt my life meaningless whenever I saw that tub.

When Weirdo and I bought the house we are in now, again, it came with a jacuzzi tub in the ensuite. It was a good soaker length, so I knew I'd be able to fit my monkey arms and legs in and everyone would be happy and toasty, even if I knew enough to avoid the jacuzzi option.

la la la la la la la la la la


Except by the time it makes its way to the top floor, There is only enough hot water to fill the tub about 25%. And then the rest is tepid, and then plain cold, water. They call this "energy efficiency". I call it straight up hateful. I had to bring a kettle up and boil water several times, adding it to the cooling water, just to get the tub at a temperature where I wasn't having shivering fits while hugging my knees. It wasn't perfect but it worked.


Until I realized that millipedes had set up light housekeeping in the jacuzzi jets of the tub.

this effing thing


So finally I am laying back in the tub, the cares of the day floating away, getting my body temperature to just above reptile, and next to me I spy a little floaty friend with a billion horrifying legs, and razor sharp jaws (probably).



I removed myself from the tub.

Just a one off, perhaps? No. They live in my freaking bath tub. Whole families. Generations of creepy alien insects. A veritable Forsyth Saga of Shuddering.



So I no longer take baths because it's too cold, and too damned terrifying

The cats are fascinated, though, and will sit inside the tub, staring at the nozel like its full of (billion legged) cat treats.



Once in awhile they catch one and I will find only a few rogue icky legs, that might be mistaken for leg hairs, but really aren't.


It's only showers for me, sadly. So I am clean, but cold and unhappy.

There is no God.

Sunday, 1 February 2015

Hi again.



So some woman I don't even know asked me today if I was ever going to post again. She is a quilter I met on Facebook. I have no idea how we are connected. I do not quilt. I have more quilter friends on Facebook than I do, say, people I know from my high school. What I have learned is that quilters are super intense about quilting and they like wine. Anyway, she's a nice lady and so, Teri, you weird stranger, here you are. A new post. And it only took me ten months and one friendly nudge.

 So you're probably wondering what I've been up to. Probably thinking I'm writing a new album, a novel. Maybe I've been travelling. Digging wells in Botswana. Being a volunteer fire fighter.

 Nah. I've been watching TV and eating rice crackers. 

But some stuff has happened. I'll get you caught up.



 We got a new cat. A friend of mine who is way, way more vegan than me, had a cat that needed rescuing. Needed rescuing real hard. So, despite Brian's fear of black cats, we took on our third cat. We named her Mickey, after my mom. But we call her Mertz because that's the sound she makes. Pretty much nonstop. Especially in the early early morning time. She is now Brian's favourite. He says all other cats in the world suck compared to Mickey/Mertz.

 My friend Bill and I did a fundraiser concert in support of Happily Ever Esther, the new farm animal sanctuary for Esther the Wonder Pig and her farm friends. It was my first solo show in, um, 14 years. I was nervous, but we had fun and we sold out 2 shows and with the help of some generous donations of raffle prizes, we raised over $3000.

I cry for the animals.


 Went to Cancun with my friend who exercises a lot and is super hot. She's also smart and funny and nice, so I didn't fill her bikinis with sand and scorpions. She was also kind enough to hold my hand while I had a panic attack for no reason. I'm super fun to travel with.


those are defined abs on my friend. It is not an appendectomy scar.


I had some quality nose picking time.



 I watched some excellent tv and read a couple books.

I learned a new term for the tiny bathing suits that older, overweight men wear: Budgie Smugglers



 I continue to stalk Castle. Not Nathan Fillion. I'm mad at him because he ignores my Twitter shout outs. But the character he plays on TV still gets all my lovin'. I'm a bit concerned that the show has jumped the shark, but I will continue to watch. Because love is like that.




 Bill and I did a show at Christmas. We had special guests join us, including the amazing Peter Lebuis and Megan Saunders and Paula Henry. We sang the songs from the old days.


fa la la la la


 I went to visit my mom.


 I somehow acquired 8 new quilter friends on Facebook. Who the hell are these people?

 I continued to not care about sports.

 That's about it.

Ok.

See you in 10 months.

 Here is a poem.










Monday, 14 April 2014

Happy Veganniversary!

It is two year today since I ditched eating animals and went all vegan.

Best. Decision. Ever.

I feel better than I did before- no more bloating, constipation, or raw-chicken-phobia-inspired panic attacks. 

I do better than I did before - learning about veganism and factory farming made me more aware of other social issues in the world, not limited to those related to animal agriculture. Accepting that all living beings want the same basic things as humans, to live, makes me feel humble and more connected to others. It's also made me more willing to stand up for myself and speak my mind.

My friends and family continue to be incredibly supportive, going out of their way to make sure I am accommodated when we dine out. 




Never a rolled eye or a "get over it already". They are solid and I love them. Thank you for putting up with my vegangelizing! 



I've met a few new vegan friends who are totally ok with my vegangelizing. We sometimes hang out. It's all pretty normal, ya.



For today's veganniversary I was going to make something super fancy and spectacular and post it here, to illustrate how amazing vegan food can be. But then I got a freaking awful cold, and all I want is soup.

So I made this soup, which I call Potassium Soup. It has lots of potassium in it. I think it's probably good for you and stuff.

Ellen's Potassium Blast Veggie and Bean Soup

1 onion, diced
4 or 5 cloves garlic, minced
olive oil, 1 or 2 Tbs ( I use a little of the oil from the sundried tomatoes)
tomato paste, 1 of those small little tins - ya, the whole thing.
sundried tomatoes, oil packed, about 2 Tbs, or more if you like
thyme, rosemary, basil, and oregano. 1 Tbs each
6 C vegetable broth
carrots, 4 small slices
potato, 3 medium, diced
2 C cooked or canned white beans, 1.5 C cooked or canned red kidney beans
1 C cauliflower cut up very small


4 or 5 C chopped greens (I use a mix of spinach, kale and rainbow chard)
1 red pepper, diced

Saute the onion and garlic in the oil over medium heat until onion is soft. Be careful not to let the garlic burn or you'll be super sorry and the carnivores will win.
Add the sundries tomatoes and tomato paste and herbs and mix together.
Pour in the veggie broth, the potatoes and carrots.
Bring to a boil, reduce heat and cover. Let simmer for 10 minutes or until potatoes are soft but not mooooshy.
Add beans an cauliflower. Cook for another 5 or ten minutes.
Trun off heat. Add red pepper and chopped greens. I just put the greens on top of the soup and then put the lid on to let them slowly wilt. The red pepper will still be crunchy, but it's one of those foods that are more nutritious eaten raw, so adding it at the end saves a bit of the vitaminy goodness.

salt and pepper to taste.
I throw a couple croutons on top for crunch, because croutons are excellent.
Pour in a bowl, feel sorry for yourself because you have had a nasty cold for 6 straight days, and enjoy the surge of potassium the will make you... um.... potassiumy.

sorry for the poor photo quality. It's good, so just make it and eat it and shut up about it already.




So there you have it. Thanks to every who has been so wonderful to me as I continue to be super vegan and everything. You need to know I love you and that the images of sad animals that I post on Facebook, well, that's not going to stop.



PS. If you are considering transitioning to a vegan diet, or just want a few meatless recipes in your rotation, I highly, highly recommend the new cookbook by Angela Liddon, Oh She Glows. I've made about 15 recipes out of the 100 or so, and they are all winners.